Parenting has no pattern. The Approach of parenting is different for every child because they are simply 'unique' with each other having dissimilar characteristics and attitude.
Some parents speak things to kids naturally and often hand down behaviors and traits or simply their parents had said to them in the past.
A research has indicated that some of these words can have a negative long-term effect to the kids. Gregg Chapman, a Psychologist and Clinical Manager at Strategic Psychology, said that phrases like "naughty boy" or "don't be stupid" can lower the self confidence of a child and may also lead them to develop poor self-concept.
Some parents are living in their past, implementing the parenting they have acquired by their mother and father to their own child. It is simply an application of a saying "you cannot give what you don't have".
"It's not about looking back and thinking my parents did the wrong thing by me," according to Dympna Kennedy, a founder of Creating Balance, a parenting organization that encourages parents to connect more closely with their children.
"It's about looking back and saying, 'OK, they did the best they could with what knowledge they had at that time. But I now have the advantage of research and knowledge that they didn't have.'"
Here are the things that a parent should stop saying to their children according to the research.
"You naughty boy/girl"
Gregg Chapman suggests using this statement: "Was what you did helping or hurting? If it was hurting let's see how we could turn that around."
"How many times have I told you?"
An effective approach may be like this: "I'm upset that I'm not getting my message across to you. How do you think that you could make better choices that don't hurt you and/or others?"
"How could you do this to me? After all I do for you!"
Remember that children are still children and has no sense of obligations to their parent. Gregg suggests helping the child realize the impact of their actions on others rather than of focusing on oneself as parent.
"You wait until you get home!"
Threats can generate fears and insecurity and in fact do not help strengthen the parent-child relationship. He suggests using statement like: "We will need to discuss this at home. I'd like you to think what you could do to put this right".
"Don't be Stupid."
According to Gregg, this negative label could affect a happy and healthy relationship with their own self because they will start to label themselves as what they have been called and taught.
"You make mummy very happy when you eat all your dinner."
This statement suggests kids to be people pleaser and the tendency is they will do things that they don't want to do just to be accepted by others.
Dympna suggests simply saying "thank you" when child does something impressive and grant them some encouragement that will boost their internal self praise like "you should be proud of yourself for eating all your dinner."
Dympna explained that child don't learn from a perfect parent so parenting is not being perfect. "They learn from a parent who makes mistakes because that shows your child it's not about being perfect but it's about reflecting and learning and trying again the next," Dympna added.
Therefore next time before saying any words to kids, just pause, think and try to speak in a way that will boost their self-confidence, and self-concept.
