You may think that emotional support from a spouse is important when dealing with marital problems, but according to a new study, men do look at it that way especially those who are older.

The study, which was published in the Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences & Social Sciences found that while a wife thinks emotional support from her husband is a positive experience during marital difficulties, a husband may be frustrated when providing or receiving such support. Husbands may feel 'helpless, less competent' with emotional support.

To reach this result, Professor Deborah Carr and her colleagues at the Department of Sociology, School of Arts and Sciences at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ surveyed couples who had been married for an average of 39 years. Each couple was asked about the quality of their marriage and how their spouse would react to a problems affecting them.

They were specifically asked whether they felt they could discuss any worries with their spouse if it was necessary, whether their spouse appreciates them, whether their spouse understands their feelings, whether they argue a lot with their spouse, and whether their spouse frustrates them.

Generally, husbands scored a higher marital quality, low marital strain and reported receiving much higher levels of emotional support than wives. Of the couples who both reported marital strain, wives have greater feelings of sadness and worry, although these feelings of worry are reduced when they receive emotional support from their husbands. But, while husbands stated less sadness and worry, they also stated greater feelings of frustration when they gave and received emotional support.

Professor Carr noted that men who provide great levels of support to their wives may feel this frustration if they think that they would rather be focusing their energies on another activity. She figured that the heightened feelings of frustration among husbands may also be associated to the age of married couples, with the relationship solely known among couples in which one spouse was at least 60 years old.

They also found that for women, receiving support from their spouse is a positive experience. Older men, however, tend to feel frustrated receiving lots of support from their wife, especially if it makes them feel helpless or less capable.

Men often dislike expressing vulnerable emotions, while women are much more comfortable expressing sadness or worry.